The Secrets of Changing
12/27/09: A lot of people have great ideas about how to change to improve their lives, and a lot of times even implement these changes well. However, for many of these situations, there is a regression back to the early habits or ways of being. With New Year's resolutions right around the corner, many of us will attempt to change something, sustain them for a week or a couple months, and then revert back to our old ways. However, for a lucky few, they will stick. So what are the secrets?
1. Make It Routine
One key is that when we make changes, there is often a process where there is a huge mobilization of energy toward the new goal, which over time is followed by less excitement for it. A lot of times we are out of balance when we have all of this movement toward the new thing, so the goal is to stay in balance while making the changes. We do this by making the changes routine rather than special. If it has become routine, then it is often much less affected by the eventual loss of excitement.
2. Time It Well
There is a process of change that looks like this:
Precontemplation (not acknowledging there is a problem)
Contemplation (uncertain about whether to change)
Preparation (getting ready to change)
Action (making the change)
Maintenance (sustaining the change)
Sometimes we can rush things and take action before we are ready, which makes it less likely to be sustained. If you can set a goal that is more in line with where you are at, rather than moving right to action, it's more likely that you can sustain the changes when you are ready. I like when people make resolutions like "figuring out how I am going to quit smoking" if they are in Preparation rather than rushing to Action.
3. Make Micro-Decisions
The stuff that really sustains an effort is constant decision making toward the goal. If we can connect our small decisions to the goal (If I go to the gym tonight I will feel great and be closer to my goal, if I stay on the couch I will feel gross and move away from my goal) we can keep moving. A lot of times we just go with our mood and energy without going through that process, which can create more chance that we can become motivated.
4. Bounce Back
Very few people can start something and carry it out perfectly over the course of many years (like an exercise program) without times that they fall away from it. People that can bounce back well from these times rather than feeling defeated and hopeless, are more likely to ultimately reach their goals.
So as you make your New Year's Resolutions, make a plan to integrate the changes into your daily life. If you do, you have a better chance of being one of those that can look back in a year and be satisfied with your work.
1. Make It Routine
One key is that when we make changes, there is often a process where there is a huge mobilization of energy toward the new goal, which over time is followed by less excitement for it. A lot of times we are out of balance when we have all of this movement toward the new thing, so the goal is to stay in balance while making the changes. We do this by making the changes routine rather than special. If it has become routine, then it is often much less affected by the eventual loss of excitement.
2. Time It Well
There is a process of change that looks like this:
Precontemplation (not acknowledging there is a problem)
Contemplation (uncertain about whether to change)
Preparation (getting ready to change)
Action (making the change)
Maintenance (sustaining the change)
Sometimes we can rush things and take action before we are ready, which makes it less likely to be sustained. If you can set a goal that is more in line with where you are at, rather than moving right to action, it's more likely that you can sustain the changes when you are ready. I like when people make resolutions like "figuring out how I am going to quit smoking" if they are in Preparation rather than rushing to Action.
3. Make Micro-Decisions
The stuff that really sustains an effort is constant decision making toward the goal. If we can connect our small decisions to the goal (If I go to the gym tonight I will feel great and be closer to my goal, if I stay on the couch I will feel gross and move away from my goal) we can keep moving. A lot of times we just go with our mood and energy without going through that process, which can create more chance that we can become motivated.
4. Bounce Back
Very few people can start something and carry it out perfectly over the course of many years (like an exercise program) without times that they fall away from it. People that can bounce back well from these times rather than feeling defeated and hopeless, are more likely to ultimately reach their goals.
So as you make your New Year's Resolutions, make a plan to integrate the changes into your daily life. If you do, you have a better chance of being one of those that can look back in a year and be satisfied with your work.
