The Interpersonal Circle Model
7/15/10: One of the most practical models of communication and conflict I have seen is the Interpersonal Circle. It was originally developed back in the 1950s and has been changed over time, but the original core ideas remain, and have been validated by substantial research. Below I am presenting a very basic version that I hope can be used to conceptualize different types of communication and conflict.
Complementarity
One basic principle of the circle is of "complementarity", which means that there is a natural match on the circle for a particular style of communicating. For example, think of a teacher and a student, with the teacher talking while the student is naturally in a position of listening. This would represent a "friendly" dynamic on the circle, but more on that in a minute.
The Circle
Below you will see a diagram of a simplified version of the interpersonal circle. The left side of the circle represents aggressive positions, while the right side are friendly positions. The top of the circle represents a dominant position, while the bottom represents a passive position. That leaves us with 4 basic positions: dominant aggressive (DA), passive aggressive (PA), dominant friendly (DF), and passive friendly (PF). Think back to the teacher and the student. The teacher is in DF and the student is in PF. In an aggressive dynamic, think about someone making a sarcastic remark under his breath (PA), and the other person's response being a verbal assault (DA). These are the natural complementary pairings.
Conflict
Conflict can arise in communication in two ways. First, if there is a natural aggressive dynamic. The other is when two people are trying to take the same position. For example, if two people are trying to be in DF, some frustration may grow from two people trying to have control of a conversation, even if it started in a friendly manner. Or think about an experience where a group was trying to make dinner plans and everyone was going for a PF position, leaving no one to decide on a restaurant. When these happen, someone often takes another position, moving the conversation back into a more natural flow, otherwise everyone would starve!
How to Use This
The best part of having this knowledge is that it allows the more aware person to have power in maintaining or creating a friendly dynamic. For example, if someone was in a DA position with you, there are four potential moves 1) fight for control of the DA position and start yelling back, 2) or you would move into PA and continue the aggressive dynamic by chipping away at the person, 3) in a firm but friendly tone state that you will not participate in a conversation with that kind of aggression, or 4) become calm and polite and honestly listen. If you can access these possibilities during any type of communication, you may see more options and possibilities for having smoother and more productive conversations. I also think this is a great model for couples to use together to better articulate where difficulty happens in their relationship.
Complementarity
One basic principle of the circle is of "complementarity", which means that there is a natural match on the circle for a particular style of communicating. For example, think of a teacher and a student, with the teacher talking while the student is naturally in a position of listening. This would represent a "friendly" dynamic on the circle, but more on that in a minute.
The Circle
Below you will see a diagram of a simplified version of the interpersonal circle. The left side of the circle represents aggressive positions, while the right side are friendly positions. The top of the circle represents a dominant position, while the bottom represents a passive position. That leaves us with 4 basic positions: dominant aggressive (DA), passive aggressive (PA), dominant friendly (DF), and passive friendly (PF). Think back to the teacher and the student. The teacher is in DF and the student is in PF. In an aggressive dynamic, think about someone making a sarcastic remark under his breath (PA), and the other person's response being a verbal assault (DA). These are the natural complementary pairings.
Conflict
Conflict can arise in communication in two ways. First, if there is a natural aggressive dynamic. The other is when two people are trying to take the same position. For example, if two people are trying to be in DF, some frustration may grow from two people trying to have control of a conversation, even if it started in a friendly manner. Or think about an experience where a group was trying to make dinner plans and everyone was going for a PF position, leaving no one to decide on a restaurant. When these happen, someone often takes another position, moving the conversation back into a more natural flow, otherwise everyone would starve!
How to Use This
The best part of having this knowledge is that it allows the more aware person to have power in maintaining or creating a friendly dynamic. For example, if someone was in a DA position with you, there are four potential moves 1) fight for control of the DA position and start yelling back, 2) or you would move into PA and continue the aggressive dynamic by chipping away at the person, 3) in a firm but friendly tone state that you will not participate in a conversation with that kind of aggression, or 4) become calm and polite and honestly listen. If you can access these possibilities during any type of communication, you may see more options and possibilities for having smoother and more productive conversations. I also think this is a great model for couples to use together to better articulate where difficulty happens in their relationship.
