Living vs Existing
2/6/10: We all know that how we feel during any given day or period of time in our life can be different, even if we don't have the words to describe it. For example, sometimes we are deeply engaged, aware, and present, which I call "living". This style of being feels good, and we are alive with energy and able to connect to ourselves, others, and the world. When we are really living, we embrace our lives and potential, and make the most of our time.
In contrast, there are times we feel disengaged, disconnected, unconscious, and distant. Some people say "I feel like a zombie" or that they are on "autopilot", or in "survival mode". This is what I refer to as "existing". Our bodies are still breathing and pumping blood, but our souls are not. Before going further, I want to make a distinction from another of these dichotomies: doing vs being, which is very different and for another time and blog post.
We often move into existing when we are stressed, defended, exhausted, or overwhelmed by obligations or the world. We retreat into ourselves, or shut off as a protective mechanism. But this is not all bad. Sometimes we have to be just exist to conserve resources or to restore ourselves. Think about needing to "veg" by watching empty TV for a bit after a draining day of work. Other people do this with some kind of substance use or escapism. The key is that if we are healthy, we can choose to go into existing and shut off for a temporary period of time.
However, if existing (rather than living) becomes an automatic state or a primary way of being, life can start to feel empty and flat. It can look something like "functional depression" where our bodies move through the day but we are otherwise absent. Our physical health (sleep diet exercise) can also have a major effect on this. If it is beyond a physical health issue, counseling can help.
To apply this to your life, try moving through a day or week with some awareness of this concept. When do you feel like you are living? Right after lunch? When you finished laughing with a friend? When you hug your child? How about existing? After 4 hours on the computer? On the commute home? Hanging out alone on Friday night? After a fight with your partner?
This information can give some ideas on what contributes to your living vs existing. Once you have a good idea about it, see if you can start to choose when to move between rather than letting it just happen. The result will feel like you are just a bit more in control of how you live.
In contrast, there are times we feel disengaged, disconnected, unconscious, and distant. Some people say "I feel like a zombie" or that they are on "autopilot", or in "survival mode". This is what I refer to as "existing". Our bodies are still breathing and pumping blood, but our souls are not. Before going further, I want to make a distinction from another of these dichotomies: doing vs being, which is very different and for another time and blog post.
We often move into existing when we are stressed, defended, exhausted, or overwhelmed by obligations or the world. We retreat into ourselves, or shut off as a protective mechanism. But this is not all bad. Sometimes we have to be just exist to conserve resources or to restore ourselves. Think about needing to "veg" by watching empty TV for a bit after a draining day of work. Other people do this with some kind of substance use or escapism. The key is that if we are healthy, we can choose to go into existing and shut off for a temporary period of time.
However, if existing (rather than living) becomes an automatic state or a primary way of being, life can start to feel empty and flat. It can look something like "functional depression" where our bodies move through the day but we are otherwise absent. Our physical health (sleep diet exercise) can also have a major effect on this. If it is beyond a physical health issue, counseling can help.
To apply this to your life, try moving through a day or week with some awareness of this concept. When do you feel like you are living? Right after lunch? When you finished laughing with a friend? When you hug your child? How about existing? After 4 hours on the computer? On the commute home? Hanging out alone on Friday night? After a fight with your partner?
This information can give some ideas on what contributes to your living vs existing. Once you have a good idea about it, see if you can start to choose when to move between rather than letting it just happen. The result will feel like you are just a bit more in control of how you live.
